Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just tell him i said nine months
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
