the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
