There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
