Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
cat food counts as protein by the way
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
