Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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