my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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