I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
