Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
