i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it's great music for shaving your balls
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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