just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize