I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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