going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
