he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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