I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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