if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
