How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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