I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
