I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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