What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
