And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
