So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
