Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
