I'm lost and stupid without you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
