bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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