I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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