Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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