Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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