It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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