I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
