Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
