I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
