"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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