i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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