guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
