Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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