pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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