i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
