Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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