He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
