So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
