She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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