i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you inspire me to be a worse person
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
