please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
