he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
