Four minutes until I can fart!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
