My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
