did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
