eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
