in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
