If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
