it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
