I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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