Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
