You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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