Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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