At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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