So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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