You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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