PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
