Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
