Swine flu. Run for my life!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
