Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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