I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
