Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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