when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
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Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
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17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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