This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
