Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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