she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
