had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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