No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
